#8 Dear Friend I was not any happier with money. I am happy now because I am grateful for every breath. That is not something I was able to force myself to do. I really did nothing but gradually turn it over to grace and grace worked it out. I gave up as much as possible all outlining -All planning- All begging to God and asked myself what I needed to change inside myself and I kept and keep letting go of things. I thought if I am gone tomorrow will that thing I am worried about be so important? Will this or that really matter? When I die I thought I will not even be alive and be able to worry about everything. It felt like a great cosmic joke and I realized nothing was real in the temporary world but it is beautiful and I started to try to live in the now and express Love and eventually that broke the mesmerism and I changed I became happier and to some degree my material situation has not changed greatly but my insides have and that is how I get through it and that is how I write songs. There is a lot of little blessings involved. Mostly the way I helped myself was to get out of the way. To be still. There were days when I thought I would not make it and I cried my heart out. There were times when I could not bare the physical pain but I tried to find a sliver of hope and it felt like there was none. Then I got better. So that is where friends helped me. Love expressed through kindness expressed towards me. There were kind humans with elements of tenderness in them that touched me and melted me and the healing began and is continuing. Does this make sense to you? Whatever your problem- Your fear- Your lack- All security is an illusion. Therefore you need to trust in grace. The grace that forms solar systems and man. The grace that is the aliveness in us without which we could never express ourselves and be creative beings. Stephen John Kalinich © 2004 All Rights Reserved